Today, i had an outpatient surgery so that Dr. Gunia could implant a port near the left side of my collarbone. This port reminds me of when i was involved in the Phoenix BDSM community, and i would see people walking around events with objects implanted just underneath their skin. For them, it was about aesthetics and shock value; for me, it is about having a stronger avenue to receive the seven bags of medications i will receive intravenously through chemo: 2 anti-nausea, 1 steroidal, Taxoteral, Carboplatin, Herceptin, and Perjeta. The port wasn’t necessary. I could have just received these meds directly through my veins … but i was told that sometimes people’s veins collapse after continued chemotherapy doses. I didn’t want my veins collapsing. I also didn’t want track marks … which, admittedly, i don’t know would actually happen but was worried it could.
My life already feels like there is nothing beyond medical appointments … medical appointments and body modification.