To the entire staff at Banner University Medical Center:
Healthy diet. Adequate sleep. Moderate exercise.
No matter what the trends of the days are saying about how we should live our lives, the three staples mentioned above have been pretty consistent throughout the decades. We don’t always agree on the details of these staples, but everyone, at least, recognizes their importance.
Unless, of course, you work in a hospital.
1. Vegetarian entrees should not be limited to veggie burgers (fried), pizza (also fried), and salads (that’s an appetizer, not a meal, especially when there is no protein in it).
2. Cancer patients shouldn’t be getting teas with aspartame, ginger ale with high fructose corn syrup, and juice with phenylalanine in it.
3. Dumping some canned, unseasoned black beans into a bowl is also not a meal … and by the way, the beans need a rice component in order to complete the protein compound that a vegetarian needs.
4. You were on to something when you added hummus to your menu. Too bad you thought the key was to dump a bunch of garlic powder into it and call it a day.
5. Why are you serving canned peaches during a month when peaches are in season and literally being grown on a farm in a neighboring town?
6. Why are you serving canned fruits and vegetables at all?
7. I put my anemia in check my senior year of high school … but after being here for just three days, I now have to take iron supplements twice a day. Also, my potassium levels are critically low, so you’re giving me a supplement for that as well. You know an easier fix? Nuts and a banana each day. Problem solved.
Seriously. The 7-9 hours of sleep each night is, at this point, a completely undisputed standard. So WHY ON EARTH do you think it’s okay to wake me up almost every hour to take blood, check my vitals, flush my port, or dose me with meds? I understand all these things are important. You know what else is important? R.E.M. cycles. I haven’t had a single one since I was admitted. #truth
Not only is gym time off the table (no gym = no gym time), but you don’t even let me walk to any of the tests/treatments I need to go to. You were showing up with STRETCHERS for the first two days, until I complained enough times to get “upgraded” to a wheelchair. A wheelchair, for crying out loud. I am not handicapped. I am a little weak, but that’s only because you’re making me undernourished and sleep-deprived. Not only CAN I walk; I SHOULD be walking, many times throughout the day. But no. It’s beds and wheelchairs and oxygen chambers for me … and, to add insult to injury, you stick me in the stomach with a very painful needle that injects some preventive anti-blood clot medication into my system. You know what would prevent blood clots from forming in my system? EXERCISE.
Fuuuuuuck. Have I really only been here for just under three days?!?
one of your patients on the 9th, then 5th, floor