(19-01-29) Not Repeating Yesterday

Yesterday was negative. Today cannot be more of the same.

I fell asleep last night with a cancer vaccine dripping into my line, dreaming of the trip I want to will take in Peru in 2020. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried a little, then talked out loud a little (to myself? to a god[dess]? to the Universe? I’m still figuring that one out). While talking, I framed every one of my statements in a positive manner (e.g. “I want to live,” as opposed to “I don’t want to die,” which fills my eyes with tears and closes up my throat even as I sit here and type it). I watched Ellen and Chris Rock and Amanda Seales to replace the tears with laughter. Then, I fell back asleep

It is now 6:20. This is the third time I have taken up in the middle of the night. Clearly, my mind wants me awake. Normally, I’d ignore her… but I’m listening today, so i checked when the sun rises in Tijuana this morning, and I’m headed out to start my day a very different way than yesterday.

Author: breastcancerat35

I was diagnosed with Stage 3C Invasive Breast Cancer in October/November, 2015. This blog is my way to process my experience and allow my loved ones to have ongoing updates about my journey.

3 thoughts on “(19-01-29) Not Repeating Yesterday”

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