Disclaimer: NONE of this is good news. So if you have somewhere to be after this, or you need to keep your game face on, or it’s just not a good time for you to feel sad or start crying, i highly encourage you to close out this entry and come back to it at a later time.
In Mexico, Dr. Rubio told me that, according to the CT scans i spent $2,200 on, there was marked improvement in my lungs, neck, chest, abdomen, and liver. We weren’t sure about my brain because it was my first MRI, and there was no change in my lower back.
According to a comparison between January’s PET scan and April’s PET scan, NONE OF THAT is true.
First, i want to show you two pictures.
PET scans take photographs of various sections of the body. These photos concentrate on my liver. The one on the left is from January, and the one on the right is from April. If you look closely, you can see there is a lot more black in April’s, meaning the cancer has become significantly worse in that area. There are more than ten new lesions in this area alone.
As it has in virtually EVERY area.
Here is a list of what was discussed today between me and my oncologist, as he showed me proof via pictures and the radiologist’s report sent to him:
- In my back, i have three new lesions: one in my L3 (middle of my lumbar spine), one in my T5 (where a bra strap would be), and one in my sacrum (bottom of my spine). This explains the intense pain I’ve been having in my lower back.
- There are many new lesions in my bones.
- There are new nodes and new lesions in my lungs. Coupled with the fact that the nodes in my chest have grown bigger and there is a new one, this explains the awful coughing fits i have been having for several weeks now.
There was, i guess, a little bit of good news:
- My right hip is fine, but that’s because they took out the cancer when i had that hip replacement surgery in December. So we weren’t really expecting to see anything there.
- I do not have cancer in my left hip, like i was worried about. The pain in that area is from my left hip compensating for the weakness in my right hip as it continues to heal.
So. If i stick to my stance of not doing chemo, i have about 3-9 months left. Dr. Curley said the pain in my back, stomach, and neck/lungs will get worse, and the brain tumor will cause confusion in my final days/weeks. I did agree to radiation in my back (and possibly my brain, after i get a second MRI of that area), but that will really just be more of a pain management thing because even if the radiation zaps the cancer in that area, we have way bigger issues with the liver, lungs, chest, and bones.
BEST CASE SCENARIO
I really was making legitimate improvement, but being hospitalized for a week, then getting subpar treatment my final week because i was in so much pain from the surgery, then waiting two weeks in the States to start my program because i was trying to focus first in healing from the ulcer surgery put me in a huge setback.
WORST CASE SCENARIO
Dr. Rubio was straight up lying to my face about my so-called progress so that i would continue to stay there.
Needless to say, i am cancelling my trip there at the end of the month.
Daddy, i am soooo sorry i wasted so many thousands of your dollars. I will work diligently to pay you back as much as i can. Based on GoFundMe donations, income from a new roommate, and a $900 bonus at work, i have $5,000 in the account for you. I know it’s a drop in the bucket… But i will keep working on it.
I know a bunch of you have already started calling and texting, wanting to know about my appointment today. I also know that, once you read this, my phone is going to start blowing up. For this reason, I’m turning my phone off for the night. I can’t talk to anyone right now. I am a hot mess of tears, pessimism, and negativity right now. I need to process. Please understand that, and be patient with me. Please.